Which WNUR Sports Staff
Member are You?
1. What do you do at meetings?
Walk in.
Rollerblade in.
Wear rollerblades to make yourself look taller.
Arrive ten minutes late.
Stroll in like a pimp.
Fire off ten bad puns in a one-minute span.
Request that everyone present "Fear the
Turtle."
2. Where will you be five years from now?
Batboy for the Oakland A's.
Driving the zamboni for the New Jersey Devils.
Roadie for Ernie Harwell.
In prison.
Serving as The Rock's assistant.
Making daily updates to BigFlax.com.
Requesting that people "Fear the
Turtle."
3. Your usual response to wisecracking subordinates is to:
Punch them.
Make a follow-up joke which dies.
Punctuate your laughter with "Aw,
jeez."
Swear at them.
I have subordinates?
I have subordinates!
Request that they "Fear the Turtle."
4. You're at a party. You:
Spike the punch.
Spike your hair.
Drink lots of spiked punch.
Get belligerent.
Drink lots of spiked punch, then get
belligerent.
Check to see if people know that the punch has
been spiked.
Request that all the partygoers "Fear the
Turtle."
5. You've got two extra tickets to the NU-Illinois football game. You:
Scalp them, but only to Northwestern fans.
Scalp them to whoever.
Use them as extra seats for your rollerblades.
Use one for your rollerblades and one for your
guitar.
Use them for nothing - hey, buffer seats!
Check the tickets for misprints.
Request that the tickets "Fear the
Turtle."
6. You're at a bar, and someone sends you a drink from across the room.
You:
Make them send you another one.
Decline it and order pulpy orange juice.
Get loaded.
Drink it, then return to your conversation about
the Giants.
Put the moves on them.
Stand on the glass to make yourself look taller.
Request that they "Fear the Turtle."
7. You run into an old acquaintance on the street. You:
Hope they don't remember that you still owe
them money.
Keep checking your watch and hope they get the
hint.
Tell them you have to run home and write a
song.
Show them your clip tape.
Ask them if they can smell what The Rock is
cooking.
Invite them in for a nightcap.
Request that they "Fear the Turtle."
8. Your partner hasn't shown up for the 5:00 cast. You:
Call them.
Do it alone.
Do it alone, with audio.
Give Mulert a call.
Ask, "When did I sign up for a cast?"
Don't notice, because you're not there either.
Request that they "Fear the Turtle."
9. As a child, you admired:
McGwire and Canseco.
Sandberg and Grace.
Ren and Stimpy.
Mike Lowe.
The guy who invented hair gel.
The guy who invented Big League Chew.
The guy who invented the phrase "Fear the
Turtle."
10. What do you think of this quiz?
It's great [said through clenched teeth].
It's UNBELIEVABLE!!!! It's AWESOME!!!!
WOW!!!!
Hey, I don't do stuff like that.
You were just kidding about the hair, right?
It's so funny I'm going to make my own quiz.
Ha ha, yes, very clever.
Hello, my name is Adam Mendelson and I am
extremely upset with the way I was continuously referred to as the guy who says "Fear
the Turtle." Instead of just accepting me as a die-hard fan of the Maryland
Terrapins, you have chosen to slander my love and affection for a
national-championship-winning college basketball team and a BCS football program for some
cheap laughs at my expense. Well, I think I join everyone who has taken this quiz in
saying, "Ha! The joke's on you!" I will rise above these malicious
acts and continue to spread my love of the one and only Terps. Oh yeah, and FEAR THE
TURTLE!!!!